State of mind - Emotionally Unstable

somewhere along the lines of paranoia and schizophrenia is where iAm sat.
alongside billions of others just like myself.
its funny though, schizophrenics are usually the ones that are socially secluded and unemployed and all that lark.
so i guess thats why i can only count my arm and shoulder n mayb 1/6 of my brain as a schitz, oh n mayb my right foot because it acts up sometimes, thats when i want to gt a gun and just shoot right next to my toe. now i wouldnt want to shoot my toe because that would lead to deformity and im not for having a hole in my foot or having one missing toe when thats not how i was created.

of recent i have been thinking a lot, about what i want to be, how im goin to get there and when im going to get there.

i have also reading a couple of books.

*American Pyscho - Bret Easton Ellis (i was supposed to read this during school, never happened)
*Diary of a Wimpy Kid - Jeff Kinney
*Act like a lady, think like a man - Steve Harvey

all of these books have one thing in common, they all look at insecure personalities.

now im not saying im insecure far from it.
im sure of myself, but unsure of who i want to be, how im going to be that person and when i will become that person.

in my mind im certain that i will surely make something of my being, but there are other things that frequent my mind too.

there is nothing more in this world that i'd like to do than to love and to be loved. (George Sand)

i guess at some point in time that will all fall into place, but right now i dont see it possible. me loving somebody yes, that happens regularly, im very kind hearted you see, but me being loved hmmm that ones hard.

for now, i'll work on my loving of others and in turn maybe someday i'll be loved equally and in return.

SIDENOTE: i am not overly emotional, i have a thing called break down mode, after this i'm solid. TEST ME

The Route Of Evil

Seven Deadly what...?

(extravagance) (gluttony) (greed) (discouragement) (wrath) (envy) (pride)

Oh piss off, really and truthfully everything comes down to jealousy and greed.
I'm saying it, that greedy sod BUSH invaded land, created a war, increased terrorist risk and invasion and LOST lives because of STUPID choices... which in the long run he thought he would GAIN from.

Sorry but the world is bad enough as it is, without adding extra fear to our lives.
Honestly, what are our troops still doing out there, bring them back home.
Everyday we hear of one land mine, or bomb explosion or attack on a camp killing several members of the army. Personally I think enough is enough!

Money, Money, Money...

The supposed route of all evil, to some extent this is very true.
Because of money people are stabbed, tortured, verbally abused and it generally causes overall mayhem.

You even get those evil sods that marry rich old geeza's in hope that they will keel over anytime after their "marriage".

But then some say money makes the world go round, if so does that mean without onslaught nothing good will come of the world.
MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.

**Again about to go off on a sociological rant**

Okay so if that is truly the case then without money, how would we fulfil our consumer rights, what would happen to the economy, would the world be communist or an egalitarian state. How would we develop medication or even conduct research minus sources such as the internet..

If technology existed how would it be shared proportionately, I mean come on, if we all had access to the internet and television wouldnt our electricity supply run out at some point in time. What would Africa be like, would corruption still exist.

Oh and how about heads of states and rulers, would they still exist?
Would the EU still exist or would people or 1 world ruler brainwash us all into thinkin that it was pangea all over again.

I wonder.

All that aside, money has a lot of power and a hold over many societies. Africa held to its debt for generations past and present held a lot of wealth BUT some GREEDY so and so's were JEALOUS and ANGRY, so they STOLE the wealth of the once rich continent and now LOOK at the poverty in which many are living in today.

Even in More Economically developed countries there are areas that are equally as deprived.
Take for example the UK.

Here we have high unemployment levels, high birth rates and low death rates. We also have an influx of migrant workers who are prepared to do the jobs others dont want to do all in the name of MONEY. Because of the over-population increases in taxes due to the pressures put on national services are being incurred. Leaving us with less money and more reasons to think up quick cash building schemes.

Why suffer yourself to get money you wont even get to spend how you like?
Why, I ask myself that all the time.

iGot it 1st

Theres something very bemusing about human behaviour.
Why is it that many are so happy to see the downfall of others.
And whats with all the competition?
Unstable personalities carry the worst traits, iCant stand indecisive people and
*slaps self* here iGo with the hypocrisy.

But yeah anyways,
iM the type of girl who will buy something at a ridiculous price just so iCan say,

"iHad it first"

HOW SAD, but iM going to give you my lame excuse and you can make what you like of it.

ITS ALL DOWN TO...SOCIETAL SOCIALISATION.
Basically im blaming society for it.

I got to thinking about this after seeing a club photograph of a girl wearing a dress
iHad been photographed in months ago. And you know, my first thoughts were - Shit iM
glad iWore that then.

Its a pity, competition goes to far sometimes, what would iHave done had we been
wearing the dress to the same event?

So close to getting in sociology lesson right now (marketisation of education).

- Competition Gd/Bad? -

Time and Place

... i already have a blog, i dedicated it to fashion although, i rarely ever get time to update or load pictures. And though a wordy fashion blog is not a criminal offence it might as well be if it lacks any photographic evidence.
Not everybody knows where to go to find photo's of or from fashion shows, lookbooks and the rest.
So the helping hand that is image uploader has really outdone itself.
But the time has come that i draw upon the other use of blogspot, freedom of speech and what seems like a limitless box i can write my thoughts and pour out my emotions onto.
I kinda got into this because of Chelsea Talks Smack, but more so because there is many a time i want to release every unanswered question onto one medium, be it human being or electronic equipment.

The internet is probably the best and worst forum for this, because of course there are other voyeuristic people who like looking in at peoples life as the sheer thought of anyones life being worse than theirs brings joy to their miserable lifes encouraging them to enjoy their daily pursuits.

Others enjoy their time online so much because that is where they spend most of their time.. narcissists, hardcore WWW. freaks. They live out their lives online, and the worst part of it all is that because we do not always get the chance to meet these people they could be putting on the biggest fascade you ever saw in your sweet life.

The cyber bullies, narcissists, the online celebrities, narcissists.. i could go on, all these people that build a life for themselves online and in real life they are these sad weedy people who you would assume wouldn't hurt a fly, or have a tongue sharper than a razor blade.
But hey, thats the world for you aint it... Full of fakes.

Place, coming back to why I created this blog, to let things off my chest.

If the people around me wont listen, SOMEONE ELSE WILL...

Dont you just love blogs..!

Well hey, at least this is a blog where iNeed not worry about posting pics, although a few from time to time wont hurt, and they will prob also speak louder than the gazziiiillliioonnn words i write, sometimes its all too long.

G'Nite and Welcome to my world again if you already follow my sorry ass Fashion Blog x x

Dee Love