Afuru'm Gi Nanya

Im not Igbo....

but the title means I love you in Igbo.

I know not the most romantic of languages, but then I have had enough of the norm/cliche te amo or je t'aime.

BORING MUCH

Yeah so its like 3:47

Tom woke me up (its that TIME OF THE MONTH)

But I'm here shaking my booty to Naeto C's Afuru Gi Nanya.

No matter what I am always in love with those I claim to love.

Right now I am falling head over heels in love with Naeto C because he is spitting out all the words,bars, lyrics I want to be hearing.

Oooh one other thing I woke up realising, guess what guys...

I am human.

You see the jealousy, the fits, the upset, the insecurities, the me hating him being with someone else and seeming happier now than when he was with me...

I am allowed to feel that way.

Lol

I also am allowed to spoil myself rotten, take as long as I like to get over my heartbreak, drink, smoke, choke and die if that is how I choose to live.

Yeah.. Thats about ALL for now folks.

p.s. Pamela Anderson excites me, but then so does any female with huge bosoms and a badass figure. Im not BI, I just appreciate well rounded figures, fake and real.

In love with my own figure atm...

A couple imperfections, but that is perfectly alright as I am comfortable being me.

I hide under a tee - when I unveil this small and shrinking waist BAM...

You will surely envy me too.

okay thats enough... back to the african aunty booty shaking - it makes me happy and reminds me of mummy

Headless Movements and mmm Food

Its highly unfair that I am still feeling like a headless chicken.
I have been trying to counteract this feeling by filling in voids,
de-cluttering, finding things to do, sleeping, shopping oh and looking for hugs in numerous arms.



But, the result thus far has been unsuccessful, my wardrobe and bedroom are pretty after it all, but my head is...Elsewhere.

I've come to the conclusion that I am just loco.



Missing my mother like mad at the moment, you know that motherly instinct they have is just crazy. But they know and can tell almost everything.

I normally drive my mum insane, with my cheeky tongue.

My dad on the other hand just ignores me, the banter is not the same.
Still love him though.
I mean he didn't go wild even though I took the car for a couple spins whilst he was watching a movie. He actually really trusts me. Which is heart warming.

But all the same, I need my mama.

Before she comes back I'm going to cook her some of her fave Nigerian, (itsekiri) delicacies, Banga soup, Ogbono soup, Buy her some yams even though I hate them they are so dry, cook her some pepper soup oh n some basic jollof rice for her to take to work.



Erm... what else.
Oh some plantain, roasted chicken, frying it just takes the life out of it.
Although if you are cooking stew the fried meat adds flavour to it.
I can attest this - because the only peoples mothers stew that I can say makes me feel the same way do the same thing.
My good friend the photographer and my cousin the lawyer.

Wow, food really is a comfort, if only Tesco's was open right now I really need some jelly.

Well erm, I guess I need to cook this food, stock my fridge, find someone to give me a hug again, n pray this hormonal period of my life gets gone sometime soon, because its a bugger.

Sucks being a girl sometimes.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Tune of the mo : The Kooks - One Last Time



Toodles

Sweet Bee

Saw this Vid over at 4aces..

Apparently Jay is recording her in the dressing room...

Fell in love with her all over again.

As much conspiracy as this woman is dragged into... she still wins me.

Love her to bits!

You hear those HARMONIES?

WOAH

On a better note

OMG OMG OMG -

I met Jen of JNOIR

She had advertised the 'affordable vintage fair' in bethnal green today.

So me being the opportunist thought it wise to no 1 raid my poor savings and buy me a few more treasures.

Visit my fashion blog and I will be talking all about what I bought there.

BUT,

The reason my day was made perfect by seeing her is because she had such a genuine smile on her face when she saw me.

I have been feeling so lowly of recent and for someone who I did not know personally to greet me in that manner - lets just say it blew me away.

Blogspot is refuge for me, I'm not a recluse, in fact im rather well known.

There is however a difference between acquaintances and friends.

The real world is harsh and so subjective, and the bloggersphere is relatively a friendly community.

This is what keeps me going, gives me some sort of strength a boost oh and something to do in my spare time.

Spare time being any free time.

I do think there should be blogger meet and greets, I also believe there should be events held for all bloggers.

You know events seem to be limited to only those who grab a wide audience, businesses love free advertisement. If they can send you away with what £100 worth of goods and recieve advertisement on your site for its whole duration... well heck why not.

Fair? I think not.

Either way... who is going to start this?

Events for bloggers.

Faith works

you know when you can't help but snap at everyone..

its not even like you mean to

it just sorta happens

when everyone seems to annoy you

and there is no reason to justify why you are in such a foul mood

yeah i'm in one of those today

i even lost my patience with a customer

or two

*hides face*

and the person that was trying to calm me down was given no reception

its funny

i wouldnt appreciate life so much if everything were given to me on a silver spoon

and even at times like this when it seems like nothing is going right

i know that one day it will..

i got faith

Paranoia

You know when it feels like that dude sitting over there with the bug eyes is staring you out.
And you start to think damn, is my hair out of place, is there a braid hanging loose, can he see my tracks, is my nose full of snot and shit, are my trousers too tight, is my top inside out, is my skirt tucked into my knickers?
Has my mascara smeared itself across my face?
You know the common things that come to mind.

Why do we do this?
It's actually just a wind up session.

Tump her up

Today my friend came to meet me whilst I was shopping and guess what the bastard did.
Slapped me continuously.
In VAPIANOs, I swear I could have punched him or kicked him in his balls.
I think it was his way of saying I missed you.
I don't know why he thought he couldn't say it in words.

Content

My friend said to me,

I don't know why he is still looking for what he already has...

I replied, well I guess he is not content, in which case I can't play along.

I can not be 2nd best,
Neither can I adjust and make space for another.
If you don't think I deserve your best, you sure as hell don't deserve mine.
Why settle for sub standard?
If I am not good enough then let's part, go find your perfection, mine will find me.

My mind is full of many things

Advice from Naeto C

1st day of the year
my bestfriend died in a car crash.
Couple of months before that, I survived in a car crash.
Now that's the irony of life
She was good enough to be a wife
I only cry once a year but that year, I cried thrice.
So dear friend, let me give you an advice
Keep your loved ones close cos they won't live twice
I should have told her how I felt but I couldn't be precise.
I didn't reply her emails even though she broke down her feelings in detail.
I was busy dealing with all sorts of female
Now it's hard for me to even open up my gmail
I wish she had the same luck as me
but that's what i couldn't give unluckily.
And so I pray that my blessings extend
to the rest of my family and friends.

- Naeto C

Damn serious, don't mess about because you never know what the future holds

In a few years

In a few years time I will look back and shake my head at my attitude towards education
But for now I will continue to shun it.

In a few year time I will look back at my past relationships
I will laugh, curse and cry and sing jolly mercies that I learnt all I needed to from them

In a few years time I will have my own child,
I will skip for joy when he/her first opens their eyes to look at me, I will well up will tears on their first smile, their first few steps will be those that empower me to keep going even though life is bloody hard and their first words will be the first of many we will share, even if we don't have the best relationship although I don't see how that could happen I'm too 'school for cool'

In a few years time I will be the happiest I have ever been and from then on out I will always be.

Till then ...

Adieu

Imperfectly Me

Love let's me be imperfectly me...

Who can say they have been in a relationship and there was no flaw in your partner or even a slight hiccup?
No one, because if that were the case the relationship would have been in essence a complete fraud.
Love and it's limitless bound allows you to be yourself.
Flaws and all.
You work on your bad characters together...
And learn to love them.

I remember when I first started out dating I always used to brush off arguments and attempt perfection, little did I know due to lack of experience that I was setting myself up for a hard hitting emotional rollercoaster.
Dealing with issues inwardly instead of opening up.

Well I landed on my face sure enough.

I guess it's something you have to experience to understand.

Loved ones

Keep your loved ones close because they won't live twice...

- Naeto C

No Matter What

This song is receiving full reception from me at present.
It talks about being with someone through thick and thin.
The overall gist is that the female stands by her man when he has money and when he does not.

Heard this in concert at the 02, and fell in love with it.

Favourite lines...

'things are hard right now, a lot of stress yeah, but I promise to always give you my best'

Simply, beautiful

Slowly but surely

Can I get a whoop whoop!

I'm so tired.
But I have actually been working hard today in retrospect of the past 2 years of college in which I haven't had any focus.
Yeah that's pretty much it.

Tryna break the cycle, I don't think I'm up for downfall.

Boo hoo

Have you ever watched a tear roll horizontally across your face?
It's so melodramatic

That was then this is now

It's a wonder how even after your family instil social norms and values into you, you can turn around and choose to live by the standards of wider society.

Ok for example, let's say you grow up in a deeply religious Christian home.
And all your life you have been told that fornication is a sin, meaning if you take part in sex before marriage or adultery you will go to hell.
But society promotes sex through the media.
Socially acceptable, yet deep down your morals say no I can't do this.
But a few nights on the phone, couple drinks in some people's case and that wall that had been built is knocked DOWN.
Crumbled.
No longer exists, it resembles the Berlin wall, you literally skipped over it. Spat at it and went ahead and done what your subconscious said no to but your mind said yes to.

Do you get it?

Confusing analogy to some degree.

Okay another one for you a little more simple.

You been brought up under the assumption that smoking is bad for you.
You go to school and succumb to peer pressure, the ciggerette sits comfortably on the tip of your lip, you are accepted by your peers, you inevitably feel cool.
You use every excuse under the sun to justify what it is you are doing, yet you know how your family feel about smokers and you are now one. What happened to everything you were taught is right and wrong?

I guess socialisation is just to instil some form of widely accepted beliefs into you so you behave respectably if you are passive and do everything you are told or become a rebel if that is in your nature, rebellious behaviour doesn't suit all.

It's sad though because in some cases we are brainwashed into believing many things that we my not agree with, but do not dispute it because we would rather not have controversy surrounding the issue.

Personally I would prefer to face everything head on, if I want to do something I will, if someone has something to say about it, I will listen.
If I don't like it I will say, and if you still don't like it well either deal with it or fuck off.
Can't actually please everyone.

Do not however go out there and exhibit rebellious tendencies that will in the end result in an asbo that will restrict your movement, not cool.

Random gargle

Lmfao, no 1 hi all, no 2 there is someone that is behaving just like me on the bus in a really weird and eff'd up mood.
No like really,
I think the guy she is seeing is avoiding her (probs needs space)
And it's bugging her because...

It's likely she created a space for him in her person and now he isn't there she feels there is a void.
Or maybe because she suspects he is cheating on her.
Or it could simply be paranoia and he is genuinely too busy to see her and hence isn't seeing her.
I could on the other hand just be making excuses for him.
And he could be a sleaze ball whom she is wasting her strength on.

What is funnier still is that she has a cough,
I have one too, not because I have a cold or anything but because I am RUN DOWN.
Look it too, but that's a story for another day.

What I am trying to get at is that women have the innate ability to create a space for someone which was never there in the first place and don't seem to feel whole when this other half has run off.

I am guilty of this too.
But hey you learn to shift bad habits, in an ideal world we would all have strong cores which no1 could severe but what is a world without love?

In other news, I was early for work today, went to the covent garden.
I have become a vintage buyer, oh and got a denim bargain which I will customise and put on my other blog for you all to see.
Fashion really does make me happy.
Photography, design, the bitchy people and the clothes - I love it.
I can literally indulge in it allday.
Make me a wag and fuck knows what I'll turn into.

I don't even have a clear cut style,
So I would buy all and everything lol.

But I am saving so, maybe not all.
I'd probably buy an expensive bag or two which I could sell should I get desperate.

Feeling Green

I dont believe the other party involved knows just how embarrassed I am.
Today the green eyed monster turned up at my door unexpected.
I tried so hard to battle the jealousy but couldn't even hide it.
I did every childish thing in the book.

I updated my BB status as frequently as I could trying desperately to seek attention.
WACK.

I'm not going to get into what else I did.
All I know is jealousy isn't cool or sexy.
I dont care if it gives peoples egos a quick boost...
IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP.
Oh that and its a sin.

I never want to feel like that again.
Hormones got me bad today.
I'm going to have to show them the levels, because if that had happened in public.
WOAH.