Feeling good

It's hard for me to justify why I am almost always in a mood,
When I say mood I mean GRUMPY, PISSED OFF WITH LIFE and IRATE.
Fair enough I work with some of the most confusing, impolite and obnoxious customers,
But even that is not enough to condone an attitude that eventually dims everybody else's high.

Someone told me I made people miserable.
I could have cried,
But I save emotions and tears for things more worthwhile.

The same person a few weeks down the line concluded that since I no longer drink,
Not that I ever did in excess I am no longer depressed.

I never really did know just how unhappy with life I was.
Make matters worse, I was too blind to notice the obvious,
I was the one depressing myself not anyone else.

No matter how influential people are in your life, you honestly own the God given right to be happy.

Apart from hormones, you should be the one to determine your mood.
Because once you are in a bad one your demeanour is lost,
You ruin productivity levels, efficiency levels and probably most importantly happiness levels.

The pursuit of happiness starring Will Smith relates well to this topic.

I am genuinely in the pursuit of happiness, like I wrote in a poem.

"misplace tears and find solace"

I found it and I can affirm there is no better feeling than genuine joy.
Yes there are times when you just breakdown because it feels like everything is getting on top of you,
But when you realise just how much you are loved, what you mean to yourself,
Your influence in another's life, how much your friendship and companionship means to those close to you,
You realise just how much you mean.


I'm off to get some sleep so I can keep this good mood of mine.

Try too hard

What the hell is trying too hard?
dressing up, looking good, feeingl good, working too hard, trying to hard with people/individuals?

Sorry but I am no fan of mediocre anything.

I always wonder if because most of the people I think are cool/creative
you know all that jazz, slightly twisted that somehow if I mess up my thoughts, think about things in a rather controversial way, throw things at people unexpectedly that somehow, I will consider myself cool.
Or maybe that someone else might even consider me a genius..or just a gee.

Either way its all down to perceptions...

Ok, how I perceive myself is more important than how the world perceives me.

I'll use today as an example,

I wore a very casual outfit, to some it may have seemed flamboyant,
but heck who cares what they think who are they anyway?

I care thats who cares... well at least I do to some degree, thats why when "THEY" watched me dart for the bus, get on the bus, walk to the back of the bus, sit down on the bus oh and finally get off the bus I felt they OGLED me.

Aye Yi Yi,
It was like their eyes were throwing arrows at me... and their minds setting these arrows alight, honestly I was burning up.

Quite appropriate then that I was wearing sunglasses... ah, maybe that was why they had their eyes on me.

Or maybe, just maybe it could be paranoia or they like me can stare at one object for long periods of time, without any thought being conjured about the item I was staring at.

EITHER WAY...

Everything I do to me is normal, some creativity may possibly have been the cause of something other times its just a little inspiration.
Either friggin way, how can you tell ME I tired too hard, for all you know I could have not tried at all.

Honestly narcissism isn't so cool...
infact its rather lame

What you waiting for?

MY MIND is in overdrive...

its hot, and working way too much.

Frequently asked by the men that float in and out of my workplace

'why are you single?'

I begin to question myself.

For the most part, it is all me.

I believe that as young as I am,

there is enough time to face heartache and all that malarkey in the future.

But NOW, I have to ask myself why?

Because to be honest I actually don't even know myself.

With the death of close loved ones, I really do question what the heck I am waiting for.

I mean, I don't want to settle for any Tom, Dick or Harriet because that would just be lame, but I do want and sometimes even feel the need for that sort of companionship.

I am very guilty however of putting things off because of FUTURE plans.

When I say that I mean,

I say "I like you but I don't want to ruin the chances of a future with you"

BULL SHIT

If we cant work now we surely wont work later, so what the heck are we even talking about here.

Okay we might argue, may even decide to not talk to one another, but if its meant to be surely it will BE.

Like I said this is self blaming session, because again its me..

Looking at the relationships my mates are in, comparing them to myself,

pitying myself, shaking head at mistakes and nearly driving myself into a rut.

THE END OF THIS CRAP IS SIMPLY THIS.

Nothing is impossible, what is right for you will surely, I REPEAT, surely find its way to you.

Do not rush, do not follow friends and believe that what they are doing with their lives is what you must be doing.

Anxiety only leads to desperation and that trait is just ugly.

Take it easy, because really and truthfully there is no point loving someone who is not going to love you back.

It all whittles down to self worth, but I'll talk about that another day.

For now I'll skip off into the sun with my single self.

( I have this strange urge to cover myself head to toe despite the warm temperature, I have this hypothesis which I have already proven incorrect in my head that a guy that goes for a fully clothed gal, rather than one putting all her goods on show is genuinely attracted to the girl)

Hmm, we'll see.

Ta Ta for Now

Good Company

I am a firm believer in the people around you influencing you.

Some influence you to do bad, others good and some genuinely have no influence over you whatsoever.

In fact to some degree they play no part in your life.

These people are generally those that want something from you, be it physical or non physical, you are to them an idol of some sort.

Those that influence you to do bad, need to be RID of.

They are the worst kind, you know it and they know it.

They wish nothing for you but your downfall.

They take joy in knowing you are miserable, depressed and all that lark.

They don't even care if and when you are in need.

The good, MOTIVATE, INSPIRE, ADMIRE, make you laugh, make you smile, know exactly what to say to turn any frown around.

Unfortunately sometimes, you don't know what is good for you.

Too stuck in your wrong ways...

Some people even like moping around, claiming that tomorrow is a new day and that BY FORCE BY FIRE they will achieve what they could have done today tomorrow.

SAD REALLY...

I know what steps I need to get further, but if I surround myself with people who are unhappy with life, whether they have aspirations or not, there will forever be a stronghold there...

An obstacle I will indeed never overcome.

Which is why I thank God for those that I do have.

We recognize our right from wrong, we improve and amend and in other words 'keep on keeping on'.

Those that wanted to see my downfall are around to see my success, better still they are in awe.

But, from an arms length.

The company you keep is reflective of your persona and character.

Be weary of it.

**This post is dedicated to those fabulous friends of mine, who never let me give up and so I rise.