State of mind - Emotionally Unstable

somewhere along the lines of paranoia and schizophrenia is where iAm sat.
alongside billions of others just like myself.
its funny though, schizophrenics are usually the ones that are socially secluded and unemployed and all that lark.
so i guess thats why i can only count my arm and shoulder n mayb 1/6 of my brain as a schitz, oh n mayb my right foot because it acts up sometimes, thats when i want to gt a gun and just shoot right next to my toe. now i wouldnt want to shoot my toe because that would lead to deformity and im not for having a hole in my foot or having one missing toe when thats not how i was created.

of recent i have been thinking a lot, about what i want to be, how im goin to get there and when im going to get there.

i have also reading a couple of books.

*American Pyscho - Bret Easton Ellis (i was supposed to read this during school, never happened)
*Diary of a Wimpy Kid - Jeff Kinney
*Act like a lady, think like a man - Steve Harvey

all of these books have one thing in common, they all look at insecure personalities.

now im not saying im insecure far from it.
im sure of myself, but unsure of who i want to be, how im going to be that person and when i will become that person.

in my mind im certain that i will surely make something of my being, but there are other things that frequent my mind too.

there is nothing more in this world that i'd like to do than to love and to be loved. (George Sand)

i guess at some point in time that will all fall into place, but right now i dont see it possible. me loving somebody yes, that happens regularly, im very kind hearted you see, but me being loved hmmm that ones hard.

for now, i'll work on my loving of others and in turn maybe someday i'll be loved equally and in return.

SIDENOTE: i am not overly emotional, i have a thing called break down mode, after this i'm solid. TEST ME